“Delicious!!” May 18, 2012

This morning I was trying to get a little more creative with breakfast, since we have time for more than cereal or pop-tarts. So I just figured pancakes will do.

I rarely make pancakes in the first place and they almost always have a few chocolate chips in them. I couldn’t find any so I started thinking about what I could do, to make them a little tastier.(without using syrup)

*Ding* Inspiration! Peanut Butter and Jelly toasties that my mom used to make us for lunch popped into my head for some reason. These sandwiches were one of my absolute favorite lunches and still are.

So I made small pancakes let them cool a little put a thin layer of peanut butter on one pancake, make sure its a thin layer, considering pb melts on warm pancakes and makes these little sandwiches even more slippery. Then put a little dollop of jelly in the middle of another pancake, put them together and you have “The best breakfast you have ever made, Miss Hayley”- via the 8-year-old, who might be the pickiest eater I have ever met in my life. Success!

This is a messy breakfast, definitely not something to take on the go. But was very easy, pretty quick, and uses things that you likely already have in your pantry.

Welcome back, Life February 3, 2012

Today I had a breakthrough.

Nothing remarkable happened…it was just as though, I woke up and realized “I only have one life.”  If we’re lucky we get 75 years or so on this earth. While I’m sure nothing will be able to compare to God’s unending life in heaven, I need to make the most out of my time here.  As with everything else in my life, this made me think of my mom and how she was cheated of 20 or so more years on this earth. I got mad, I got a little angry at God for taking her away from us, our amazing family and all the people that loved her. The anger quickly went away and I realized that her (and everyone else’s)  life was and is a gift. We aren’t promised 75 or 80 years with the people we love. Every day, every year that we are given is a gift from Him. He doesn’t HAVE to give this to us, He didn’t HAVE to give us His ONLY son to save us all. Every thing, every minute is a gift that he doesn’t have to give us… but He does, because not only does He love us, like a parent loves us, but He Likes us and wants us to be happy.      I hope that reads the way I meant it :/

Second Revelation of the day:

I’ve been battling my weight for years and years. While I’ve had excuses as to how I got this way… I’ve ran out of excuses as to why I’ve stayed this way. There are absolutely no good reasons why I shouldn’t buckle down finish this challenge that I started. AND maintain a healthy weight and life.

I’ve done pretty good so far, I’m down 37 lbs to date. I decided to take the holidays off, just maintain my weight and not worry about losing. I did well, I gained 2 lbs (in a month) and then once I got back on track I quickly lost 4 lbs in a week and then one more and then I just stopped. This week has been AWFUL. Tuesday things went downhill and stayed there. Because I’m doing this in a healthy way, of trying to eat right and exercise, it’s going to have ups and downs. I just really despise the “downs” it brings. Everyone has something different that works for them.  For me, if I deprive my body of having a cookie every day.  At the end of the week, I’m going to eat only cookies for dinner and that’s clearly not a good option. So, I might have one cookie every few days, so that I don’t go overboard. I know some people say “you can’t reward yourself with food” or cut sweets completely out of their diet. If that works for you, more power to you.  But please don’t preach to me that I’m somehow doing something wrong, just because you don’t do things the exact same way.

So let’s talk about goals.

Goal 1: lose another 15-20 lbs by mid April

Goal 2: lose an additional 35-40 lbs by Labor Day

Goal 3: love my body

Goal 4: Maintain, Maintain, Maintain

Next Topic!

Over the past 6 months or so I started online dating… As “modern” as it is, there is still a social stigma that goes along with it. I would be out to dinner with friends and see someone that I recognized from one of the dating sites and couldn’t help but laugh, because they are a total stranger to me… but I know their life story because I could read their dating profile online.  I very quickly realized that others could be doing that to me as well. Though I am not embarrassed that someone would know about me from my profile on a dating website, simply because my profile is basic and I don’t over share on it…I don’t want that anymore. I want to get to know someone face to face and not by reading about them online first. I want a story I can tell my kids about how I met their dad, that doesn’t begin with “Well, I was sitting at my desk in my room looking through hundreds of profiles online…”

I don’t regret it at all. Online dating helped me get back into the dating world, a place I hadn’t visited for Quite a while. Though, I needed that previous “non dating” time to find myself (as cliche as that sounds). It helped me realize what I do and what I don’t want out of a relationship. I have even made a few friends from this experience. The problem is meeting people… it’s not like I can meet someone at my job and the bar scene is just…yea, not going to happen. So I’m thinking about joining some groups in the area. Not only to meet someone to date, but just to make some new friends too. I know I want to find a bible study that I enjoy and have been looking at a few different churches in the area to do so.

I do everything online…I found my job online(Thank you again, God. It’s the best) I’ve been looking for a relationship, I talk to friends that I could pick up the phone and talk to, I shop, I read, I get lost in craft ideas on Pinterest that I have no intention of actually creating.  I do Everything online. I need to disconnect. Not in a “I’m deleting my facebook and not any answering emails” sort of way.  Just need to stop only living my life online, and start living my actual life.

So it’s just been a day of revelations and realizations. It also made me think about school, finishing a degree, and starting the path of the non-profit I want to begin. I went to the bookstore to get a jump on books about management and a business degree and actually met some really nice people there this evening. I don’t know if I will ever see them again… but it’s a start.

I hope getting all this out makes me continue to write, whether it’s on here or just in a journal.

I know this was kind of all over the place, but I had a lot of ground to cover!

Frugal Girl- to the rescue! September 29, 2009

If I were to become a super hero… I would certainly be Frugal Girl!  Here to Save you Money! (It’s late, I’m tired, pardon my quirkiness)

So lately around the St. L I have been hearing a lot about the Hunger Challenge… One of the reporters on KSDK is doing it, she is also doing a blog throughout the month of how difficult it is for her to do. What the Hunger Challenge is, is a challenge to you and/or your family members to live on an allotment of $28.91 for food per week, this is the amount that people get when living on food stamps.

So I went to the grocery store this evening(Go Late in the evening or early in the morning so you can take your time and you don’t have to dodge a lot of people) with the challenge in mind… I usually go to the grocery store 3 times a month and try to keep it under about $45. But tonight I was shooting for under $29.  So I got my chicken, milk, frozen veggies, hamburger helper, hotdogs, etc. Then I got to the cereal aisle… I wasn’t going to even buy rice krispie treats, but they were $1.29 so I looked them over thinking about it… and then AH HAH! A coupon on the box $2 off when you buy 2 boxes of Kelloggs Rice Krispie Treats or cereal bars! So I got 2 boxes of them for $0.60!!(did a little victory dance in my head) Last week at Dierbergs they had salsa on sale for $1 a package and the package had a $1 off coupon! Love that!!

I used 9 coupons worth $9.05 and they coincided with a the good deals Schnucks had going on. Little did I know, most the items that were on sale and I had coupons for were also earning me extra money! Schnucks is doing their “Working together for a Cure!” So when you buy 5 General Mills products they give $3 to “Susan G. Komen for the Cure” and ALSO they give you a $3 coupon for your next visit! By pure luck I had 10 General Mills Products so I got $6 in coupons for my next visit!

All in all I got $46 worth of groceries for $25.40 – $6 in coupons =$19.40!! Yeah I’m a bit excited! Saving money… that’s something my Mom taught my sibilings and I well

Since I have basically the food I need for this week and being that the whole Hunger Challenge is about ‘Hunger Awareness’ so to speak, I’m going back to Schnucks tomorrow and spending that $6 in coupons + what I can afford to give and buy some non perishables and bring them to the local food pantry and I urge you to do the same. 

Need some tips on saving money?! Just ask!!

Mother’s Day May 10, 2009

This week has been especially hard.  So, I decided to put into words the thoughts and memories that kept popping up throughout this week.

Dear Mom,

I don’t know any other way to be able to say what I want to you so here it goes.

During this week last year, we were sitting with you at the hospital, and you told us that ‘this was it.’ I still remember holding your hand and leaning over your bed not believing the words you were saying but somehow knowing they were true.  I remember all the boys in the garage building the glider we got you for Mother’s Day and wheeling you over to the door so you could see it.  Even though I knew things were bad I never actually thought that, that would be our last Mother’s day with you.

Every morning in May and June I would hear your voice come through the walkie talkie, which Dad would set in my room when he went to work in the morning… I would hear you say “Hayley, you got to get up… because I’m not lying in this bed all day.” We had our routine down pretty good in the mornings: clothes, wig, out to the kitchen for cereal (Chocolate and Vanilla Life), back to brush teeth, and then to living room to sit in your spot with a book or the remote.  We watched Ellen together at least once a day and sometimes would catch the second airing of it and we would still laugh at jokes as if we hadn’t heard them just a few hours ago.

When you finally decided you wanted to lay in your hospital bed that was in the living room I helped you into it and gave you the controller and walked out into the kitchen to make lunch. I walked back in to the living room and you had the bed up as high as it would go (and it went pretty high,) I was laughing so hard I could barely ask you what you were doing and you quietly said “just messing around” I have to admit that would have been the first thing I would have done too.  You amazed me the week of Jake and Dana’s wedding.  I know God was helping you be so strong through all of it, but it was truly miraculous the difference from the previous week.

When things got worse, I was scared and the thought crossed my mind ‘maybe I can’t handle this’ as soon as it was in my head, it was out again because it was literally just something I knew I had to do.  I would sit by your bed and rub your bald head.  It never bothered me at all, I think because I knew it made you more comfortable not having the wig on. I can still feel what your hand felt like in mine when I sat by your bed for the “night shift.”  When I would finally go to bed I prayed that we would have one more great memory with you.  About a week before you left us we had just that.  One night you were so alert and asking for water and something to eat, and wanting to try the Acai Berry Juice.  I thank God for that night, for one more night to remember you talking with us and joking around with us. I refer to that evening as “our last supper” when I talk about it with anyone.

Near the end I kept telling you it was okay to go, just because I didn’t want you to suffer anymore.  But the truth is I would have given anything for you not to go.  You had the kindest heart of anyone I have ever known.  There is no doubt in my mind that you are an angel watching over all of us.

Nicole, Jake, Zach, and I are so blessed to have had you as our Mother.  I can’t thank you and Dad enough for the amount of love you showed us and the way you raised us. I think we all turned out pretty darn good.

I love you so much and miss you everyday.

Happy Mother’s Day

Love,

Hayley

Go! St. Louis April 23, 2009

Sooo… My half marathon is over with…

It was very very cool to be a part of. We stayed at the Sheraton the night before so we didn’t have to worry about getting in to the city the morning of the race.  I woke up at 5 am Sunday and popped right out of bed suprisingly and we got all ready to go and headed to the starting line about 6:30. It rained the WHOLE time. it was obvious we were just going to get soaked and everyone was ok with it, the rain helped to keep your body cool, but it did a number on my glasses, i couldnt see much at all the whole time and theres wasn’t a dry article of clothing to wipe the lenses on so I just followed the purple shirts in front of me

The side effects… Swollen Ankles, (still today) Blisters (super huge, gross one on my heel) and chafed arms from the wet shirt. But totally worth it!

The Team of 95 raised over $190,000 for cancer research, which is freakin awesome!

I know it’s kind of a boring post, but I haven’t posted in forever.

Another one that’s probably going to make you cry December 7, 2008

Watch as the little girl realizes that its actually her dad there. (can never get it to embed correctly sorry)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7yX_DujORg8&feature=related

Jessica Stone November 17, 2008

I was brought to this story via Matt Nathanson’s site and I wanted to share this video. Beware it’s probably gonna make you cry!

http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=5665944

Since the video was made she has gotten a CI (Cochlear Implant) and has begun the process of learning to hear in a new way. But I just found her story really inspiring and I’m going to have her blog in my blogroll if you wanna check her blog out!

Dreams and Shooting Stars November 11, 2008

Recently I had a dream about my mom.  I haven’t had one in a while and this one was, the most real out of all of them.  My whole family was riding in the car together and we were going to watch a movie, but ended up at a parade instead. The whole time we were all talking like everything was normal. I was sitting back to back with my mom at the parade and we were just talking and suddenly everything became really clear to me and I turned my head, and grabbed my mom’s hand and just our fingers were linked, like cupped with one another. And I squeezed her hand and started to cry and told her that I missed her and she said she misses me too. And then I woke up and was crying and I looked at my hand and there was an imprint that looked like fingernails in my hand, it was bizarre. I know that it was just a dream but it felt SO real.

The other part of this title is about a song “One Moment More” by Mindy Smith that I have loved for a few years now and just recently found out that she wrote it for her mom that also died from cancer. She talks about how when she sees a shooting star it feels like her mom is not That far away. I have seen 2 shooting stars in the past month and it is really just something that comforts me now.

Here is her song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jzu3Ihyq50c

I’m Excited! October 12, 2008

Sooooo… In April I am going to do something really cool… I’m doing a half marathon! I start training with the group in November. But Em and I are going to start Tuesday! It is for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. I’m so happy to be able to be a part of it, we haven’t gotten all the details, but we have to raise a lot of money… so hopefully we can go around to companies in the area and get some support!

It’s been a frustrating week, I feel like a maid in my house and I feel like I have to hand hold one of my roommates through everything… It’s very very annoying. For example, the vaccuum has been sitting out with the cord not wrapped up for over a week… I would do it myself, but what would that teach her. (OH! I sound like my Mom ) Im done cleaning up after her.  And the dishes that were my dishes (I’m not the one that used them) finally got cleaned and I was so excited… then I looked at them and There. Is. Still. Lettuce. In. Them. Seriously, how is this remotely clean?!?! I just don’t understand how someone who is 22 years old, still lives like a total slob. I’m thinking about doing an experiment and not doing any cleaning at all for a week and let her see how gross this place would get.

Ok I’m going to stop ranting now. It always turns into a rant, SORRY!

The Tattoo Experience September 5, 2008

I can sum it up in two words: Worth It.

I have been wanting a tattoo for a long, long time. Finally in June I made the decision on what to get and was all geared up to get it.  I couldn’t get in at the place at the time I needed to and he wanted a lot more than I was willing to pay. I was going to get the Ichthys aka The “Jesus Fish” on my ankle. But after my mom passed away in July I knew I wanted to get an angel. Something simple, cute, and small.

I found the perfect one and let the artist draw it up himself and he did great.

I got it done in Nashville, TN on the last day of our trip. I had to go to the place 3 times before I could finally get it done. And when I sat down, I looked up on the wall and right there I see a Phoenix on an arm that I recognize… IT’S KEITH URBAN’S TATTOO. He is my favorite country singer ever. He got it done at that very same place! The whole time we were there I was planning to go to a different shop to get it done too. Just seeing that relaxed me.  And sitting in the chair I couldn’t even look at the drawing, except when he asked me if that was the way I wanted it. I’m not gonna sugar coat it… It hurts… but has no lasting pain. I can’t even remember what it felt like anymore.

So here he is doing the tattoo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JkFxcNIrMV4 for some reason the embed won’t work… so you’ll just have to click on the link

I asked him before he started “I know you probably hear this all the time, but what does it feel like?” and he said “It feels like gettin a tattoo” ( I would totally have to agree with him now… there’s nothing like it) he also said that if it hurt that bad I haven’t had a very hard life.

He also asked me if this was my first tattoo and I said yes and probably my only, and he said “Yeah, right!”

I can see how they are addicting, but I can only see myself getting one more, the original one I wanted.

All in all it was a very cool experience and I would do it again and will be more than willing to go with anyone to get one done.